A practical first-date safety checklist

Most first dates are unremarkable in the best way — a coffee, a drink, an hour of working out that you have nothing in common. The point of a safety routine is not that you expect trouble. It is that having a routine means you are not making decisions on the spot.

Before you go

• ·Talk in the app first. There is no rush to move to SMS or WhatsApp, and a phone number is hard to un-give.
• ·Do a quick search. Name, photos, socials. It is not paranoid, it is ten minutes.
• ·Pick the venue yourself — somewhere public and reasonably busy that you already know.
• ·Tell one person where you are going, who with, and when you expect to be home. Send them a screenshot of the profile.
• ·Sort out your own transport, there and back. Do not get picked up from home on a first meeting.
• ·Charge your phone. Obvious, routinely forgotten.

While you are there

• ·Keep your drink with you, including to the bathroom. If you lose track of it, get a new one.
• ·Stay in the public part of the venue. No "my place is just around the corner" on a first date, however charming the delivery.
• ·Keep your address, workplace and daily routine vague until you know someone properly.
• ·Set a check-in time with your friend, and actually use it.

You do not owe anyone the rest of the evening. Leaving early is not rude — it is a normal thing that adults do.

Leaving early, without a scene

"I am going to head off — it was nice to meet you" is complete. No excuse required, no invented emergency, no apology. If leaving does not feel safe, take your phone to the bathroom and call your friend, or quietly tell staff at the venue. They deal with this more often than you would think and will usually help without being asked twice.

Warning signs worth taking seriously

• ·Pressure to move off the app immediately, or to switch to a video call you did not offer.
• ·Refusing to video chat or meet in public, while pushing hard for somewhere private.
• ·A story that shifts — job, city, age, relationship status.
• ·Any mention of money. Investment tips, a sudden emergency, crypto, a sure thing. This is the most common dating-app scam there is, and it starts with weeks of warmth.
• ·Sulking, guilt or anger when you set a boundary. Once is a pattern.

If you are in danger

In Australia, call 000 for police, fire or ambulance in an emergency. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is the national counselling line for sexual assault and domestic and family violence, and Lifeline is on 13 11 14. None of them require you to have decided what happened yet.

None of this is about being suspicious of everyone you meet. It is about making the safe version of an evening the easy one, so you can relax and get on with finding out whether you like them.